Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Ferret Care Guide

The following is a care sheet that I wrote for my sister who is going to take care of my ferret Zelda, since my job does not give me the time to do so anymore. I am posting it because there is a huge lack of information about ferret care and I think this letter may be helpful.

I was so happy when I found out that you would be interested in taking care of Zelda. I know that you guys have wanted one for a long time but there are always issues with having one in xxxx. I wanted to write you a letter to try to bring you up to date with what it is like to own a ferret. A lot of people go into this blind and get surprised. Ferrets are not like dogs or cats, they have a personality that is all their own.

When I first got Zelda I was still in a wheel chair recovering from my accident. I spent a lot of time with her and that is why she is so people friendly. Now don’t get me wrong. Many ferrets are very people friendly but Zelda definitely takes the cake in this department.

Ferrets are very strong willed and will not give up on something once they get their mind set to it. One of the most important things to do when you first get a ferret into a new environment is something that is referred to as “ferret proofing.” You need to get down on your hands and knees and try to see the room that the ferret will be living in from the ferret’s perspective. Ferrets are capable of compressing their body so they can fit underneath many doors and into holes that may be in the walls. It can be very difficult to rescue a ferret trapped in a wall. I have heard many horror stories. Best practice is to prevent it from happening. I prefer “gorilla tape” as it is strong and will easily plug up most holes that you do not want your little fuzzy getting into.

Remember that if you do not know where your ferret is that you must shuffle your feet when you walk. Stepping on ferrets is the #2 killer of domesticated ferrets right after reclining chairs. Ferrets are extremely social animals (more so than dogs) and they will want to follow you around everywhere. Always be aware of where your ferret is. With that being said, when you leave the house it is always a good idea to have the ferret locked up and in her cage. Ferrets are very intelligent and inquisitive and have a tendency to constantly get themselves into trouble. Caging them is for their own protection and is not really that cruel considering that they tend to sleep for 20+ hours a day.

Speaking of sleeping ferret….. The nice thing about ferrets is that they do sleep a lot. They are not necessarily nocturnal or diurnal. They tend to adapt to your schedule. When you come home and have some time for her simply pick her up out of her hammock and hold her for a couple of minutes. When she starts to get squirmy set her down and play with her. Remember that most ferrets will need to go to the bathroom within a few minutes of getting up.

While Zelda is litter trained, you need to keep in mind that using the litter is not the same with ferrets as it is with dogs and cats. Ferrets are very fastidious but generally are hard to train because they have their own Ideas about where they think they should be allowed to go. Zelda on the other hand is very well trained. I had the good fortune of being able spend mass amounts of time with her as a baby. In her cage she uses the litter box exclusively. Outside of the cage she is trained to go on newspaper. She will be instinctively attracted to corners to go to the bathroom. I recommend folding newspapers into squares and placing them into the corners of the room that she will be in to see which corner she likes the best.

Remember that when it comes to going to the bathroom, even the best trained ferrets (I believe this to include Zelda) only have about a 90% hit rate. Luckily ferret waste is small, does not permeate or smell, and is easy to clean up. Do not strike her or yell at her when she misses. Physical punishment will either be seen as mean or as an invitation to play. If seen as mean she will protect herself, if seen as an invitation to play she will play rough. (Hey you started it after all)

When ferrets do play with each other they do tend to play really rough. Ferrets have tough skin and have to be taught that humans do not. Zelda has been nip trained and she will not bite unless provoked. Sometimes when playing she will put her mouth on your hand but she has never applied pressure or broken the skin with me. Whenever she gets a little to rough just yelp and she will quit and start licking you to say she is sorry. Be cautious if you are ever introducing her to new people or other animals as you can never know (as with any animal) how they will react to unique situations.

Ferrets are a member of the weasel family. Like all weasels they are born with scent pouches (yes just like a skunk) in order to protect themselves from predators in the wild. When Zelda was a baby she had these pouches removed at the same time that she was spaded. Any animal that was born with scent pouches will still have a bit of a musty smell whether or not they still have their pouches or not. Now Zelda has never been that bad. I have always cared for her hygiene very well. There will be a slight odor though. I have supplied a skin conditioner that “can be” used up to three times a week if necessary. And a shampoo that can be used every 6 weeks to 6 months. You want to bathe her as little as possible as excessive bathing causes the oils in a ferrets skin to go into overdrive producing an even smellier ferret. The conditioner is not as big of a deal. Zelda seems to be fine for 3-4 months. Bathing her 3-4 times a year seems to be sufficient. Also washing her bedding and cleaning her cage regularly will help keep any unpleasant odors at bay.

When bathing a ferret prepare the bath with her out of the room. Make the water a little more than luke warm and set her in the tub so that she can stand with her head out of the water. Take the shampoo and scrub her down. Rinse her off and set her into a pile of waiting towels that you have previously warmed up in the dryer. Sit back and watch her dry off. There is really nothing more entertaining in life that watching a wet ferret dry herself. She will probably have to potty shortly after her bath so have some newspapers ready to go in the corners too.
A ferret’s nails can get long and sharp. It is a good idea to trim them about every 6-8 weeks. This is a two person job. One person needs to scruff her by the back of the neck. This will make her go limp and allow the other person to handle her paws without her squirming to much. Ferrets have a vein in their claws that you do not want to cut into. It is visible as a red line inside her claw. Make sure that you leave some space between the end of the claw where you are about to cut and that vein. If you cut into the vein it will hurt her and now you will also need a paper towel to stop the bleeding.

Ferrets do not bury their waste like cats. Many tend to have allergies to pine as well and wood chips can splinter their feet. The best litter to use is recycled newspaper litter. It should be changed daily. Do not and I repeat DO NOT ever use clumping cat litter! Ferrets think that cat litter is a great environment to play in. They will dig and burrow in it, but if they ingest it, then it will clump in their stomach and kill them. Keep them away from cat litter at all times.
In the wild Ferrets are strict carnivores. This means that they only eat meat. While humans process carbohydrates as energy a ferret’s body treats protein in the same way. For food I have found that the best is Marshalls ferret diet. Cat food will do in a pinch as it is 80% protein on average but the ferret diet is 100% protein and nothing can top it.

Ferrets love sweets but sweets are very bad for them. Zelda has a shaker can that I put crasins in. These are not great for her but in small doses (1-3 a week) I believe that there is no harm. The best part is that if you can’t find her you can just shake her can of treats and she will come running. Try not to go overboard with the treats. You don’t have to give her one every single time you shake the can but make sure you give her a reward once in a while.

Zelda love boxes, balls plastic bags and dirty clothes. When you are about to do a load of laundry make sure that you are aware of where she is. It is not unheard of for a ferret to be sleeping in a pile of dirty clothes that ends up getting washed.
Zelda loves to play games. Some of her favorites are

1. Chase-easy game, you chase her then she will chase you. (Remember to be careful where you step. Ferrets can changes directions in an instant.

2. Burrito- This is one of her favorites. Lay her down in a hand towel and roll her up. Then zip the towel out from under her and wave it in the air over her head. She will go crazy and often do what is commonly referred to as the “weasel war dance.” This is what ferrets do when they get really excited. The will jump all over the place and twitch back and forth while making a chirping noise. She will do this when she is really happy.

3 Dig dug- give her a cardboard box filled with paper or clean dirt and let her have at it. She will be occupied for hours. Will probably need a bath in the case of dirt.

Zelda will walk on a leash but don’t expect her to act like a dog. She will have her own agenda and want to explore on her own terms. A harness is the best thing to walk her on. Make sure it is snug (ferrets are notorious escape artist) and make sure that the other end of the leash never leaves your hand. Feel free to call or write me an email if you have any further questions that I forgot to cover.

Questions from my sister

The girls can't stop talking about Zelda!! One question xxxxxx has is: How long do ferret's live? Also xxxxx asked were will we get her food?
We are on our way to Santa Cruz today. We are leaving at lunch time and won't be back til Sunday. Hope you have a good weekend too!
Talk to you later


I will be bringing out two seven pound bags of marshall ferret diet. One of those bags typically last about 3-4 months. Since you wont be able to buy ferret food in xxxx you will probably have to order it online. I would reccomend ordering the next bag once you start in on your last bag so that you always have one back up in case it takes a little longer.

Ferrets have a very high metabolism and monitor their own diet very well. There is no need for you to put them on a feeding schedule. Just make sure that their bowl is always full and they will eat when neccesary.

Ferrets typicall live 5-8 years. Some ferrets have made it to 10. Typically ferrets will die of one of several types of adrenal gland disease, lymphoma or cancer. During this time they will crave sugar. (which buy the way in large amounts can bring on certain types of cancers in ferrets earlier on) I had a roomate with a ferret in Los Angelas that had cancer. She was 8 years old. We let her, at that time, eat all of the "craisins" she wanted. She died a happy ferret. Ferrets are "crazy for craisins." Sorry, a little inside joke with Zelda and I. Anyways Zelda is almost 2 years old, so she has many good years ahead of her.

I would reccommend checking out the book "ferrets for dummies." It is probably the most inclusive information about owning and taking care of a ferret.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Beat the fuck up!

I was talking with someone the other day about all of the insane things that have been going on in Vegas lately. There have been, shootings, car bombs and even people jumping off of the Stratosphere. We started to discuss how people didn't screw around as much when the mob ran Vegas. I got me to thinking about how people tend to behave better if they know that the punishment for their actions will be severe and instantaneous. Then I saw this story on the AP. This guy saw a crippled woman on crutches and decided to rape her. Thankfully there were 5 people who not only saw it but did something about it. They beat the fuck out of him. The picture and story are below. Kudos to these 5 heroes. The only thing they did wrong was not killing this fuck!

SALEM, Ore. -- Five Good Samaritans stopped a rape in progress in a south Salem neighborhood, according to police.

Officers said a 22-year-old woman on crutches was walking near the intersection of Liberty and Boone streets southeast just before 1 a.m. Saturday when she was attacked and assaulted by 37-year-old Paul Landingham.

According to authorities, a car with five people was driving by, saw what was happening and came to the woman's rescue.

Three men pulled Landingham off the woman and held him until police arrived at the scene.

The victim was transported to an area hospital.

Landingham was taken into custody on first-degree rape charges.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

How to live until tomorrow

Murder and violent crime are on the rise!!! Is it really as bad as it sounds? Actually it’s not, even though it’s true. You see on a percentage basis crime has always been about the same. What has changed is that the human population of this planet has swelled to an enormous 6.7 billion. Since there are so many people on the planet, there will be more opportunity for conflict. It seems that while human decency is waning, there is a self deserving attitude that is ready to defend its ego at any cost. The result can be bloody. With this being said it is important to remember that the little things matter. A little courtesy and respect can go a long ways. Here are some examples of behavior that I believe could help the system operate much more smoothly.

1. While driving When someone puts their blinker on to come into your lane, let them come in. To many times I see this happen where someone will speed up so that no one can get in front of them in their lane. What is the reason? Is there a problem with having one more car in front of you? Do you feel that this makes you less of a driver? Do you feel like this will save you anymore than 3 seconds for the destination you are getting to? Let them in!

2. In the laundry room If you are one of those people who either cannot afford your own washer and dryer, don’t have room for them or simply don’t want to deal with the hassle of owning one then you most bump elbows with the general public in the laundry room. Best practice here is to always have your cycles timed out and remove your clothes immediately after they have finished. This is not always possible though as life is busy and often requires you to multitask. With this being said you need to realize that if you are not present when your cycle is finished that someone else has every right to remove your clothes and place them nicely in the basket that you will leave by the machine. You must not get upset even if you are only one minute late to pick up your laundry. The person waiting for the machine doesn’t always know how long the clothes have been sitting there.

3. In Public This one is going to seem obvious but it is not practiced that often. If you bump into someone or in any way mildly inconvenience them say “I’m sorry” or “excuse me.” Do this even if you are not sure if it was your fault. This is not admitting fault and it should not be damaging to your ego to say. It also lets the person know that you did not do it intentionally. A lot of bad situations could have been avoided had a person just not been so pig headed that they didn’t feel like they should have to say they were sorry to someone.

4. In Public (continued) When someone affords you a favor say thank you. Try it with me……. “Thank you.” Now that wasn’t so hard was it?

5. Be on time Nothing says “fuck you” more than showing up late or standing someone up. Be a person of your word. Arrive when you say you will. Don’t keep people waiting. This doesn’t mean speeding and putting people in danger. This means planning ahead and preparing. This means not being afraid to end your current engagement so that you can make your next one. This means giving yourself the space and time to accomplish all of your objectives and not overbooking yourself. At the very least give plenty of notice if you are not going to be able to make it.

6. On the Sidewalk Do not stop in the middle of a walkway. If you have a sudden thought or can’t figure out where you are going then move to the side. Also, being on a cell phone does not give you permission to break this rule.

7. Speaking of Cell phones Talking on a cell phone in public is undesirable but acceptable. Keep your voice down though. If you have to yell when you speak on your cell phone you are either starved for attention or you need to upgrade to a better service provider.

8. Help others in their career There is no reason to hold other people back at work. Helping people under you get promoted makes you look good because you trained them well. Helping people over you get promoted leaves more room for you to move up. Try to stick to the infamous rule here. If you don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say anything. Believe me, the point will come across about a bad employee when no one will comment on them. Speaking badly of others in the workplace is political suicide.

9. Do not give money to beggars. People carve out their own lot in life. If you have decided to be lazy, do drugs, not get an education, then you are responsible for your own fate regardless of your personal life’s circumstances. Not only does giving money to beggars decrease their motivation to find work and become self sufficient but it also brings more beggars into the area making it much less desirable. There are plenty of social programs to help these people. If they are really not capable of figuring that much out then what more are we supposed to do?

10. Judge on merit It is in our nature to size people up at a glance. Give people an opportunity to prove themselves beyond that and you may just be surprised at what you find.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

My evil plan!

I suppose everyone has their fears. I would like to think that there is not much that I am afraid of but it turns out there was quite a bit. I have spent a large majority of my adult life making it a point to overcome those fears. Interestingly enough the less difficult ones have taken me a longer time to get to.

When I was a child I used to dance up a storm. My favorite was the Ghostbusters soundtrack. I would put it on and dance around the house in my little Ghostbusters t-shirt. There was really no technique or specific steps that were being adhered to but it was fun and that is all you care about when you were a child.

As I grew up and became more aware of what people around me thought of me, I suddenly was not as willing to spaz out to the Ghostbusters soundtrack or anything else for that matter. At some point though I realized that I really liked girls and that girls really liked dancing. I had a best of R&B CD that I used to put on in the living room when no one was home so that I could attempt to practice my moves. Unfortunately for me I did not have any proper instruction and I eventually became frustrated and gave up.

Not having the ability to dance became a very big issue for me. It was awkward to be a social functions where dancing was occurring. Sometimes even dates were awkward if there was a live band, DJ and/or a dance floor. In high school I specifically sought out girls that weren’t really into dancing. This seriously limited my options. This was such an issue for me in my teen years that I once even considered marrying a girl simply based on the fact that she hated dancing.

As I moved into adulthood dancing sort of became a non issue. I played guitar in bands so I was the one making the music. Eventually when my musical career came to an end I was able to pull off moves with girls without ever getting into a situation where dancing would be necessary.

As fate would have it, I ended up falling in love with and marrying a girl who was a prolific swing dancer. She never pressured me to dance. I would go to clubs with her and she would dance with random people. I never had a problem with it and I never got jealous. It was something that she loved to do and I was not going to stop her.

One day the idea hit me that it might be fun if I learned how to swing dance and surprised her with it. I went to a local dance studio in Las Vegas and met with a cute little swing dance girl named Diamond. Although I thought that this might be a crash and burn situation I was determined to at least give it a solid effort. I forked over the $1000 for 8 private lessons.

Now I don’t mean to gloat here but it turned out that I was a natural at dancing. At least I was at swing dancing. By the end of the 4th lesson I was so good that my teacher thought I was lying about never dancing before. I knew all of the basic moves in east coast swing and several advanced flourishes. Not only that but I could execute them smoothly.

Getting to the classes was a different issue all together. Since learning to dance was supposed to be a surprise to my wife I had to keep it a secret. The only time I could go to lessons though was right after work. I would go to see Diamond, dance with her for an hour and then show up at home hours late from work and smelling like stripper perfume. I would change into another shirt and blow cigarette smoke all over myself to get rid of the smell.

While I was never suspected on the being late front (I always said I had to work late) I did almost fuck myself over. I was going through my phone calendar with my wife looking over my shoulder and the word “dance” came up. I quickly said that that was the name of the room I had to be in when I worked late that day and it slid by!

Since I was getting good I thought it was time to take my evil plan to the next level. I contacted one of my wife’s friends through MySpace and explained everything to her. I asked her to call my wife and invite her to go out dancing. Then I told my wife that she was responsible for planning something for us to do on the upcoming weekend. Sure enough when the weekend came around my wife threw out 4 options one of which was dancing with her friend. Much to her surprise I said “Let’s go dancing with your friend, that sounds like fun.”

It was blues night at Boulder station casino in south Las Vegas and we were sitting at a table listening to the band play. I was practicing the dance moves silently to the music with my feet under the table. My wife was looking around for her friend who had already told me that she would not be able to show up. She was starting to get upset because she thought that she was stood up. Suddenly I looked across the room like I saw something. I got up and started walking. She followed me. I turned around and grabbed my wife’s hand, looked her in the eye, and told her that her friend was not coming and that I had not been working late. You could see the look of devastation in her eyes as her first thought was that I was cheating on her with her friend. Then I said I have been learning how to dance and I started dancing with her. We made it through about 4 bars of music before she was crying and we had to sit down at the table. We danced to one slow song later that night.

Now we go out swing dancing every single weekend. Every time I pick up new moves and I feel quite accomplished. I am told that my moves are smooth and fluid and no one believe that I have been dancing for such a short period of time. It feels great to finally get a hold of something like this and to be able to walk into a situation where there is dancing and hold my own. Most importantly it demonstrated to my wife how much I love her and gave us one more thing that we can enjoy with each other for the rest of our lives.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

I wish he would have killed him

Father Attacks Son's Killer In Courtroom Link

The father of a shooting victim was detained after he attacked his son's killer in the courtroom Monday. He has since been released by police, according to county officials.

Antonio Clifford, of Cincinnati, admitted in court that he robbed and shot 28-year-old Joshua Sweat, of Weirton, in a parking lot last year in downtown Steubenville.

After the plea, Mike Sweat, the victim's father, leaped and began to choke Clifford. Amid screams from both the victim's and the killer's families, it took dozens of law enforcement officers to control the crowd. Moments later, everyone was ordered out of the courtroom.

The outburst was in the wake of two other victim impact statements from the victim's mother and sister.

"I truly believe if you are ever set free to live in society, there will be another victim -- another family -- that is shattered," Ginger Sweat, the victim's mother, said to Clifford.

The defense and prosecution came to a plea agreement after deciding that, based on the evidence from the crime, Clifford did not initiate the robbery that took place.

Clifford, who faced the death penalty, was sentenced to 33 years to life in jail after he pleaded to aggravated murder, aggravated robbery and tampering with evidence.

The aggravated murder charge carried the most weight in the sentence. Clifford received 20 years on that charge.

Assistant Jefferson County Prosecutor Jane Keenan previously said Sweat came from Weirton to the empty parking lot in downtown Steubenville to meet with the three suspects for a drug deal.

When they met, police said the suspects robbed Sweat and Clifford shot and killed Sweat.

Clifford is one of three men charged in connection with the crime. Byron Johnson, of Steubenville, is serving a 15-year sentence after pleading guilty to murder.

Patrick Thurman, also of Steubenville, previously pleaded guilty to aggravated robbery and tampering with evidence.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The Personality Defect Test

Take the test Click here

Your Score: Smartass
You are 100% Rational, 71% Extroverted, 57% Brutal, and 85% Arrogant.

You are the Smartass! You are rational, extroverted, brutal, and arrogant. In fact, you could very well be the anti-Christ, as you are almost the exact opposite of everything Jesus was supposed to be. While Jesus says love your enemy, you say love beating the crap out of your enemy. While Jesus raises the dead, you raise hell. While Jesus walks on water, you tend to sink. You probably consider people who are emotional and gentle to be big pussies who are obviously in lesser stature than you. You have many flaws, despite your seeming intelligence and cool-headedness. For instance, you aren't very nice. In fact, you're probably an asshole. And you are conceited and self-centered. Not only that, but you are very loud and vocal about all this, seeing as how you are extroverted. There is no better way to describe you than as a "smartass", I'm afraid. Perhaps just "ass" would do, too. But that's a little less literary and descriptive. At any rate, your main personality defect is the fact that you are self-centered, mean, uncaring, and brutally logical.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.

4. You are more ARROGANT than humble.


Your exact opposite is the Emo Kid.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

A different take on Gas prices!!!

I am in favor of high gas prices. I am sick of hearing people whine about high gas prices. I wish that gas prices were higher. I would like to see gas around $5-6 per gallon. Here are my reasons.

Reason #1- Less cars on the road! High gas prices will stop a certain portion of people from driving. It will force people to use public transportation or ride a bicycle. This may benefit some of those fat and lazy assholes that are always cutting people off. It will keep people with old cars that can’t afford to pass emissions from being able to afford gas as well. This will have the added benefit of cleaner air in our cities. Even those that still could afford to drive would likely drive less and find alternatives when they were available.

Reason #2- It seems like poor people are shitty drivers. They drive crappy cars and they just don’t care. I am always getting cut off by some piece of crap pinto that is blowing black smoke out of the exhaust pipe. In many cases uneducated equals shitty job equals poor pay equals poor person equals shitty driver. High gas prices would take the ability to drive away from the poor and the uneducated. This would be a huge bonus to the safety of our roadways. These people are the same people that think that they can lower gas prices by circulating emails telling people not to buy gas on Tuesdays. OK idiots, so then everyone just gets their gas on Mondays or Wednesdays instead!?!? The same amount of money will be spent throughout the week anyways. Even though it makes no difference I always make sure to buy some gas on one of those boycott days whether I need it or not.

Reason #3- Let’s punish those jackasses that buy an SUV the size of three highway lanes. If you want to drive a car that gets 3 miles to the gallon so that you can look like your favorite rap star, then that is fine. But you will have to get a second job to be able to afford it. Less SUVs means a cleaner environment.

Reason #4- If gas prices get high enough and enough people seriously can’t afford to buy gas then we will be forced to look for alternative energy sources. If we are not getting all of our energy from other countries then there will be no need for us to send out troops to those countries to be involved in their affairs.

Reason #5- Because driving and low gas prices are not your right. All of you red blooded American rednecks out there need to understand that this is a world economy now. We are not self sufficient. If the stock market takes a dive in china, then we get affected. If there is a problem with oil production, supply and demand will shoot up the price. So you have some options. Buy a more fuel efficient car, ride a bike, take public transportation. Your hard work and intelligence put you in the place that you are currently at in life. You made it happen, it did not happen to you. If you find that you cannot afford to do certain things that you want to do, then you either need to get a second job, get a better job, or shut the fuck up and accept your lot in life to be mediocre.

I have absolutely no issues with paying extra for the “privilege” of driving. In fact I think that this spike in gas prices is long overdue. You do not get to have everything in life handed to you. It takes away from those of us who have busted our asses our whole life to get to where we are. Your time is over, ours have come, and gas prices are just the start.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Worst Date ever

There are a lot of interesting characters in Los Angeles. If you spend any significant amount of time there you are pretty much guaranteed to cross paths with many of them. What I want to tell you about though is a date I had with someone who would probably qualify as the most psychotic girl in the world

I was sitting in a coffee shop in Redondo Beach, doing homework, with headphones on. It was pretty obvious by my body language that I was not interested in conversation and that I did not want to be bothered by anyone. A cute little red head that I had noticed on the way in came and sat next to me, looked me in the eye, smiled and with a cheerful yet chirping voice said “hi!” Any other time I might have decided to run game on her, but I was not interested in anyone’s company so I looked directly at her and in a not so polite tone said “go away!” She looked at me and said “my name is Shannon.” I said, “look I am really busy right now and I don’t have time to talk to you.” She said “no problem, take my phone number and call me when you have time.” OK then, that was pretty cool. I tucked the phone number in my wallet for a rainy day.

A few weeks later while on a dry spell I decided to call Shannon up and take her out for sushi, then take her to my place and have sex with her. We went to sushi, had a great conversation and tons of sake. She seemed pretty cool until after I picked up the bill and she started complaining that she couldn’t believe that I only spent $50 on her. This is actually fairly common in Los Angeles. Many girls are just looking for guys to spend money on them whether or not they have an intention to sleep with him, or are even interested in him at all. I promptly told her that I wasn’t spending $50 on her and demanded that she coughed up $25 for her half. She stormed out of the restaurant and I walked down to Hermosa Beach to have some drinks with my friends.

A couple of weeks later I was hanging out at my house in Torrance when my cell phone rang. It was Shannon. She said she was sorry for being such a bitch and that she wanted to come over. Since it was 1 am I figured that this sounded like a promising booty call. She came over, and just wanted to talk After an hour, much to her dismay I kicked her out. She called me a week later and said that she wanted to go out for drinks. I told her I was short on money and she said she was buying. Well if nothing else, I couldn’t say no to free drinks. I went and had drinks with her, we talked all night, she kissed me good night and we parted ways.

When I lived in Los Angeles I had a fairly effective rule for not getting bled dry by gold diggers. If I didn’t get laid by the third date then I didn’t call them back. See I don’t really mind spending money on a girl…………. as long as I am getting laid. Shannon tried calling me repeatedly over the next month. I never picked up the phone when she called and I never returned her messages. Finally after a month I got a message from her that went something like this.

“ I know why you aren’t calling me, your one of those three date guys, your not calling me because I didn’t fuck you, what do you want, you want me to suck your cock, you wanna fuck in public, you want me to bring a friend right now, I thought we were more than that, but fine, if that is all you want, then come fuck me right now, fuck me anyway you want, lets fuck, lets do it, if that makes you happy, call me and we will fuck tonight, you fucking lousy asshole, come over here and fuck me right goddamn now!!!”

This message went on for about 6 minutes. There were only two logical responses to a voicemail like this. The first one is to play it for all of your friends. The second is to drive over to the girl’s house and fuck her. I opted to act on both options.

I showed up at Shannon’s house, walked in, and started to take off her shirt. She stopped me and asked if we could go out for a drink first. I sighed and said fine. We went to a bar about 4 miles down the road on Pacific Coast Highway. After about 3 pitchers of beer she was starting to get really shitty and emotional. She started crying, something about a love in a past life or some weird shit like that. I was so turned off by her that I told her to get in the car. I was just going to take her home and accept my losses.

While driving her home she said “you’re not going to fuck me, are you?” I looked at her and said, “anything is possible.” Then she said “pull over at this gas station, I need cigarettes.” I told her that I was not pulling over, that she could go out and get cigarettes after I dropped her off at home. At this point she started beating her fist and her head on the dash of the car while screaming “PULL OVER THE FUCKING CAR RIGHT NOW AND LET ME GET SOME FUCKING CIGARRETTES” over and over again. So I pulled that car over and waited in the parking lot while she went into the store.

My first inclination after 5 minutes of waiting was that I should just leave this bitch here. Los Angeles is pretty big, I could probably successfully dodge her without even putting any real effort into it. Then I saw some commotion going on in the store. I looked up as Shannon came bursting through the front door of the gas station with a carton of Marlboros tucked under one arm, a bag of chips under the other and a 40oz of mickey’s in each hand. The attendant was chasing her with a broom in his hand and looked like he was ready to clock her if he got close enough. She started screaming at me to start the car. I stood there frozen, this was the last thing I would have ever expected. As she approached the car she caught her foot on a curb and hit the ground like a ton of bricks. The beer bottles shattered and glass was sticking out of her exposed skin, Sun chips were sticking to her bloody chest and cigarettes were scattered all over the ground.

My first inclination was shock and then, I started laughing uncontrollably. I could not believe how dumb this girl was. The gas station attendant approached me as if though I might be a threat. I looked at him and asked him how much all of that stuff was. He said about $30. I paid him the $30. I figured that if he called the cops I could potentially be pegged as an acomplis or a getaway driver.

I picked Shannon up off of the ground and took her into the bathroom to clean her up the best I could. I got a bunch of paper towels to put in the seat of my car to try to keep the blood and beer off. I drove her home. I was so happy to finally get rid of her. She could barely walk so I helped her up to her doorstep and opened her front door for her. She grabbed me and stuck her tongue down my throat. I almost puked. I pushed her off of me and started to walk away. As I was heading down the walk she yelled “wait, aren’t you going to fuck me?” I turned around and looked at her, all covered in beer and blood with her clothes torn up and her hair matted together. Then I said, “I’ll call you” and I walked away. I am sure to this day she still wonders why guys always seem to say I’ll call you and then never do!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Sorry Ladies, I'm Taken

It is difficult to get an appropriate workout when your legs don’t work properly. You are pretty much limited to a couple of cardiovascular exercises and a few weight machines. It has been my dream since I was a teenager to have a perfect body part. I gave up on a perfect body a long time ago and decided that I would settle for just one part. I decided that part would be my abs. So I work on the elliptical machine about 5 times a week. I work through excruciating pain to build endurance in my weak legs and lungs. Then I do as many sit-ups as I can and some light arm workouts. Well I still do not have those perfect abs with that shiny six pack glistening on my stomach but I did have a major breakthrough today that made me feel like I was well on my way.

I have modified my diet. I really try to watch what I eat. I keep sweets away from me because I cannot resist. I eat a lot of Subway when I don’t have time to prepare my own meals and I love Jamba juice. So what is this amazing breakthrough you might ask? Well this morning, after breakfast, as I was getting ready for work……… My pants fell off! That’s right; I am to skinny for my pants. There is about an extra 6-7 inches in there. So now I either need a belt, new pants or a permanent boner in order to hold them up. This is very exciting. (The pants, not the permanent boner.) So this is the portion were I have to stick to the plan and keep moving forward. This is the part where I usually get lazy and slack off, eat an ice cream cone, and order a double serving from Chipotle. Not this time though. I will have those perfect shiny abs by summer, then maybe I will decide to develop another perfect body part:)

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Don Imus is a "UnNappy Headed White Non Ho!"


I know that I am about to tread on some very dangerous turf here so I will try to be as careful as possible. I have spent the last few days trying to figure out how feel about the whole Don Imus situation. First and foremost I need to clarify some things that many people think have no distinction. I cannot stand Don Imus. It is not because I think that he is vulgar, I just don’t think that he is funny. Howard Stern on the other hand is a similar type of entertainment and I do find him funny. Howard Stern has said some things that are equally offensive towards African Americans but he gets away with it because his co host Robin Quivers is an African American woman. Not to say that Howard hasn’t had his fair share of experiences with racy comments but it does imply a double standard that can be measured by looking at an entertainer like Ludicris winning an Grammy for using language similar if not worse than that of what Don Imus used.
So my initial gut shot reaction here is to turn to the African American community and especially the Rutgers Basketball team, Al Sharpton, and Jesse Jackson, and say “FUCKING GET OVER IT!” Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are calling for the termination of Don Imus over his comments on his early morning radio show where he referred to the Rutgers Basketball team as “nappy headed ho’s.” Sharpton and Jackson are, of course, outraged! After the plight of the African Americans in this country I feel that I can never be in a place to understand the discrimination and pressures that they go through on a day to day basis. What I am having a problem with is that it is OK for black rappers to say horrible things about women, minorities and even whites in commercial songs but when Don Imus does it he is supposed to be fired!
Our unwillingness to hold black people responsible for their actions and the intensely ingrained political correctness that has become so prevalent in our society keeps us from giving social attention to even the worst atrocities in the world if they are committed by black people or especially a black government. I am sure that the police target and treat African Americans much worse than they do to whites. I am sure that there is discrimination that I don’t get a chance to see because I am a white male. The answer though is to eliminate that discrimination not reverse it. If it is socially acceptable for an African American to say “Niggers and Ho’s” then it should be socially acceptable for white people to say it to.
The Rutgers basketball team says that Don Imus “tainted their moment of glory.” Even Barack Obama chimed in with an attempt to pick up some African American voters for his 2008 presidential bid by saying "I've got two young daughters who I hope will be athletes. And, you know, the notion that somehow they would be degraded and insulted, and that that would pass as humor, and that NBC would be running that over the public airwaves I think is atrocious”
Anyone that went though the public school systems has been called names and degraded. Is it any worse if you are one race over the other? Should we protect some from being called names because they are to fragile but not protect others because they can probably take it? The answer is no. If you live in a country where there is free speech and you are in any way some sort of public figure you are subject to praise, ridicule, and jokes and it doesn’t matter what race you are from. If any of these Rutgers basketball players own a Rap CD from Dr Dre, Snoop Dogg, Ludacris, or any other rappers that use these terms in a derogatory way, then they have no right to be upset over the comments made by Don Imus. This is what is called “Reverse or Selective discrimination.” Now with that being said, there is really no need to make a public statement by firing Don Imus. Let the public decide. If there are enough people that think he is funny and enough sponsors willing to support the show then the show should go on. If no one thinks he is funny and no one listens to him then the show will tank and come off of the air. That is the joy of living in a free market and more importantly, in a free country. With that I will leave you with the lyrics to the chorus of my favorite Snoop Dogg song

So all my bitches and my niggaz and my niggaz and my bitches
Wave your motherfuckin hands in the air
And if you don't give a shit
Like we don't give a shit
Wave your motherfuckin fingers in the air

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Speech for my Grandfather's 75th Birthday

My Grandfather is quite possibly one of the most important people in my life. I was not blessed with a plethora of good positive male role models in my youth. My Grandfather has always been a rock of truth and virtue. While some of the lessons that I have learned from him have been verbal and some have been through his actions, all of them have stuck with me. My Grandfather has a P.H.D. in common sense. Many of the things that I have learned from him are things that you would just imagine everyone knows. It becomes clear once you go out and start living your life that this is not the case.
I remember when I got one of my first jobs at a CD store. I would come home from school, lounge around for a while and then leave for work with just barely enough time to make it there for my scheduled shift. One time my Grandfather said to me “Showing up late or right on time shows that you don’t care about your job. If you really care you should be getting there early. You probably won’t have it for very long.” I was fired that week.
I used to think that the best way to sell something was to put it up for a price that was over what you wanted and then bargain with people so that they feel like they got a good deal. I remember my Grandpa questioning my need to “play games” with people. He said I should just put items up for sale for a fair price and I would get it. He has always been right. I can not even count how many times people have told me that they respect the way I do business when I am selling items to them.
I remember one time asking my Grandfather how he knew that he was in love with my Grandmother. He told me that you will know when you are in love because you won’t ever feel the need to question whether or not you are in love. I never knew what that meant until I met my wife Julie. Some people may go their entire life without knowing true love. Not my Grandparents though. They are one of the lucky ones and it shows. On the lighter side of love, when I was really young, I remember asking my Grandfather how you “get a girl to be interested in you.” His answer was simple yet so true. He said “Just be good at something.” Never has more sage advice been given.
I had a job that I absolutely hated when I was a teenager. I remember talking about it with my Grandfather. He gave me some of the best advice I think I have ever heard regarding a career decision. He told me “You are always to young to stay at a job that you hate.” In other words, it is never to late to start over. Let me be the first to say that I have applied this philosophy many times in my personal life and it has led me to a job that I absolutely love.
My Grandfather is a strong man, a loving husband to my Grandmother and just an overall good human being. My Grandfather believes that family comes first and will do everything in his power and more in order to help his family be safe and successful. Recently I was involved in an accident that nearly ended my life. My Grandfather made the difficult decision to not come to see me in the hospital because he was sick at the time and didn’t want to risk giving it to me. When I saw him for the first time a few months later he started crying as he gave me a hug. I always knew that my Grandfather loved me, but this was the first time that I understood the depth.
My Grandfather does not just have this intense love for me but he has it for his entire family. If ever anyone in our family is ever in doubt that they are thought about and loved then they only need to look at the pillar of this family to see that their doubts carry no weight. People like to look to movie stars and athletes to find their heroes. I have had to look no further than the home of my Grandfather who has forever had the greatest influence on the person that I am today.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

How come punk rockers are smarter than you?

You're wrong by NOFX

You're wrong about virtues of Christianity
You're wrong if you agree with Sean Hannity
If you think that pride is about nationality, you're wrong
You're wrong when you imprison people turning tricks
And you're wrong about trickle down economics
If you think that punk rock doesn't mix with politics, you're wrong
You're wrong for hating queers and eating steers
If you kill for the thrill of the hunt
You're wrong 'bout wearing fur and not hating Ann CoulterCause
she's a cunted cunt
You're wrong if you celebrate Columbus Day
You're wrong if you think there will be a Judgement Day
If you're a charter member of the NRA, you're wrong
You're wrong if you support capital punishmen
You're wrong if you don't question your government
If you think her reproductive rights are inconsequent, you're wrong
You're wrong fighting Jihad, your blind faith in God
Your religions are all flawed
You're wrong about drug use, when its not abuse
I hope you never reproduce
You're getting high on the downlowA victim of Cointelpro
You're wrong and will probably never know

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

This little piggy

So the weirdest thing happened the other day. As you may already know I was involved in an accident that nearly ended my life. As a result my toes were crushed. My toenails have been slowly growing out and I have waited gleefully for them to be long enough to cut. Every time they are ready I get to cut off some of the dried blood that is crusted between the toenail and the skin. Then recently they started to develop a little fold in them and I noticed that they were peeling up in the middle. I thought that they had split in half and were about to break off. I kept waiting for the time that they would catch on a sock and hurt like hell as I ripped them off with the snagged clothing. Ouch! It turns out that they had already broken though and the toenail had continued to grow underneath the old one. The top damaged piece was still attached when the big toe on my right foot finally caught on something and it came off absolutely painlessly. Upon closer examination I discovered that all of them were the same. Now I was able to break them off by lightly tapping on each of them and then peeling the top layer off. It was like a snake shedding its skin. What was left underneath was reminiscent of a time when my feet looked healthy. With the exception of a few frankenstien style scars on my right foot, my feet look completely normal. No blood, no contusions, just a couple of scars on the top of my foot. Now things will never be completely perfect. My toes still don’t properly rotate on the joint so instead of going up and down they wiggle from side to side. My left foot is slightly turned out and it hampers my ability to walk. My dreams of becoming an NBA all star have most likely been shot but with a minor adjustments to my bindings I might be able to do some mild snowboarding next season. Overall I am happy with my recovery, especially considering the fact that I should probably be dead. Now if I could just stop thinking about starting a vigilante task force to kill drunk drivers, I might be in pretty good shape!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

The type of man I want to be

The Liberty Of All (1877)
Robert Green Ingersoll

Women have been the slaves of slaves; and in my judgment it took millions of ages for woman to come from the condition of abject slavery up to the institution of marriage. Let me say right here, that I regard marriage as the holiest institution among men. Without the fireside there is no human advancement; without the family relation there is no life worth living. Every good government is made up of good families. The unit of good government is the family, and anything that tends to destroy the family is perfectly devilish and infamous. I believe in marriage, and I hold in utter contempt the opinions of those long-haired men and short- haired women who denounce the institution of marriage.

The grandest ambition that any man can possibly have, is to so live, and so improve himself in heart and brain, as to be worthy of the love of some splendid woman; and the grandest ambition of any girl is to make herself worthy of the love and adoration of some magnificent man. That is my idea. There is no success in life without love and marriage. You had better be the emperor of one loving and tender heart, and she the empress of yours, than to be king of the world. The man who has really won the love of one good woman in this world, I do not care if he dies in the ditch a beggar, his life has been a success.

I say it took millions of years to come from the condition of abject slavery up to the condition of marriage. Ladies, the ornaments you wear upon your persons to-night are but the souvenirs of your mother's bondage. The chains around your necks, and the bracelets clasped upon your white arms by the thrilled hand of love, have been changed by the wand of civilization from iron to shining, glittering gold.

But nearly every religion has accounted for all the devilment in this world by the crime of woman. What a gallant thing that is! And if it is true, I had rather live with the woman I love in a world full of trouble, than to live in heaven with nobody but men.

I read in a book -- and I will say now that I cannot give the exact language, as my memory does not retain the words, but I can give the substance -- I read in a book that the Supreme Being concluded to make a world and one man; that he took some nothing and made a world and one man, and put this man in a garden. In a little while he noticed that the man got lonesome; that he wandered around as if he was waiting for a train. There was nothing to interest him; no news; no papers; no politics; no policy; and, as the devil had not yet made his appearance, there was no chance for reconciliation; not even for civil service reform. Well, he wandered about the garden in this condition, until finally the Supreme Being made up his mind to make him a companion.

Having used up all the nothing he originally took in making the world and one man, he had to take a part of the man to start a woman with. So he caused a sleep to fall on this man -- now understand me, I do not say this story is true. After the sleep fell upon this man, the Supreme Being took a rib, or as the French would call it, a cutlet, out of this man, and from that he made a woman. And considering the amount of raw material used, I look upon it as the most successful job ever performed. Well, after he got the woman done, she was brought to the man; not to see how she liked him, but to see how he liked her. He liked her, and they started housekeeping; and they were told of certain things they might do and of one thing they could not do -- and of course they did it. I would have done it in fifteen minutes, and I know it. There wouldn't have been an apple on that tree half an hour from date, and the limbs would have been full of cobs. And then they were turned out of the park and extra policemen were put on to keep them from getting back in.

Devilment commenced. The mumps, and the measles, and the whooping-cough, and the scarlet fever started in their race for man. They began to have the toothache, roses began to have thorns, snakes began to have poisoned teeth, and people began to divide about religion and politics, and the world has been full of trouble from that day to this.

Nearly all of the religions of this world account for the existence of evil by such a story as that……………..

………….In my judgment, the woman is the equal of the man. She has all the rights I have and one more, and that is the right to be protected. That is my doctrine. You are married; try and make the woman you love happy. Whoever marries simply for himself will make a mistake; but whoever loves a woman so well that he says, "I will make her happy," makes no mistake. And so with the woman who says, "I will make him happy." There is only one way to be happy, and that is to make somebody else so, and you cannot be happy by going cross lots; you have got to go the regular turnpike road.

If there is any man I detest, it is the man who thinks he is the head of a family -- the man who thinks he is "boss!" The fellow in the dug-out used that word "boss;" that was one of his favorite expressions.

Imagine a young man and a young woman courting, walking out in the moonlight, and the nightingale singing a song of pain and love, as though the thorn touched her heart -- imagine them stopping there in the moonlight and starlight and song, and saying, "Now, here, let us settle who is boss!'" I tell you it is an infamous word and an infamous feeling -- I abhor a man who is "boss," who is going to govern in his family, and when he speaks orders all the rest to be still as some mighty idea is about to be launched from his mouth. Do you know I dislike this man unspeakably?......................

………………Think of the intellectual strain that must have been upon that man, and when he gets home everybody else in the house must look out for his comfort. A woman who has only taken care of five or six children, and one or two of them sick, has been nursing them and singing to them, and trying to make one yard of cloth do the work of two, she, of course, is fresh and fine and ready to wait upon this gentleman -- the head of the family -- the boss!.....................................

…………………Get the best you can for your family -- try to look as well as you can yourself. When you used to go courting, how elegantly you looked! Ah, your eye was bright, your sleep was light, and you looked like a prince. Do you know that it is insufferable egotism in you to suppose a woman is going to love you always looking as slovenly as you can! Think of it! Any good woman on earth will be true to you forever when you do your level best.

Some people tell me, "Your doctrine about loving, and wives, and all that, is splendid for the rich, but it won't do for the poor." I tell you to-night there is more love in the homes of the poor than in the palaces of the rich. The meanest hut with love in it is a palace fit for the gods, and a palace without love is a den only fit for wild beasts. That is my doctrine! You cannot be so poor that you cannot help somebody. Good nature is the cheapest commodity in the world; and love is the only thing that will pay ten per cent to borrower and lender both. Do not tell me that you have got to be rich! We have a false standard of greatness in the United States. We think here that a man must be great, that he must be notorious; that he must be extremely wealthy, or that his name must be upon the putrid lips of rumor. It is all a mistake. It is not necessary to be rich or to be great, or to be powerful, to be happy. The happy man is the successful man.

Happiness is the legal tender of the soul…………………

………………………..It is not necessary to be great to be happy; it is not necessary to be rich to be just and generous and to have a heart filled with divine affection. No matter whether you are rich or poor, treat your wife as though she were a splendid flower, and she will fill your life with perfume and with joy.

And do you know, it is a splendid thing to think that the woman you really love will never grow old to you. Through the wrinkles of time, through the mask of years, if you really love her, you will always see the face you loved and won. And a woman who really loves a man does not see that he grows old; he is not decrepit to her; he does not tremble; he is not old; she always sees the same gallant gentleman who won her hand and heart. I like to think of it in that way; I like to think that love is eternal. And to love in that way and then go down the hill of life together, and as you go down, hear, perhaps, the laughter of grandchildren, while the birds of joy and love sing once more in the leafless branches of the tree of age.

I believe in the fireside. I believe in the democracy of home. I believe in the republicanism of the family. I believe in liberty, equality and love.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Valentines Day and Why You Suck at Love!

It’s that time of the year again. The time of year when we celebrate love, romance and mass commercialism in the form of witty Hallmark cards. It’s not that I don’t think paying $4.50 for a piece of paper with a generic poem on it is the best way to tell my wife that I love her, it’s just that I am confused with the concept of love being mandated on a set date of the year. What’s worse is that millions of poor saps are going to be running to the flower store and staring in bewilderment at the card and candy section in a last minute attempt to avoid a fight with their girl about why they don’t love them. What gets even more interesting in these situations is that the girls are willing to accept these expressions of love from their men on a few select nationally mandated holidays rather than on a consistent basis. Boy the mass marketing machine seems to be unstoppable. I was in Subway eating lunch today and I overheard two of the fattest girls that I had ever seen in my entire life talking about what they want their boyfriends to get them for Valentines Day. Now I am not sure if I was more shocked by the fact that they wanted flowers (not very filling you know) or by the fact that they had boyfriends! It got me thinking though. Does my continuous critic of the world around me send off a vibe that I feel that I am better than everyone else? Let me first say that I try to be, but I don’t believe that I am. The older I get, the less I feel that I know. The older I get the less I feel I can do. I look at everyone else and somehow I can only see my inferiorities. Yet even in light of this I still find myself having internal conversations about the stupidity of the public in general. If Hallmark really wants to improve their standing in this capitalistic market they need to create more holidays. They only have to convince the females to celebrate them. The males will do whatever it takes to keep their uninterrupted access to pussy flowing. I feel lucky that my wife does not take these holiday celebrations to seriously. We create our own rituals rather than subscribing to someone else’s. The fact that we express our love to one another on a daily basis makes the allure of a romantic blowout a couple of times a year seem less than desirable. Let me tell you, doing something special for the one you love on a consistent basis is a lot more expensive than having that big “to do” a couple of times a year, but it sure is worth it when even an idiot like me still gets to look at the rest of the world every Valentines day and remark at what a bunch of mindless pieces of crap they are!

Monday, January 29, 2007

Jung's personality test

This is actually pretty damn close!

To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.
INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type: INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake.
INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play, as INTJs can be unsparing of both themselves and the others on the project. Anyone considered to be "slacking," including superiors, will lose their respect -- and will generally be made aware of this; INTJs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers. On the other hand, they do tend to be scrupulous and even-handed about recognizing the individual contributions that have gone into a project, and have a gift for seizing opportunities which others might not even notice.
In the broadest terms, what INTJs "do" tends to be what they "know". Typical INTJ career choices are in the sciences and engineering, but they can be found wherever a combination of intellect and incisiveness are required (e.g., law, some areas of academia). INTJs can rise to management positions when they are willing to invest time in marketing their abilities as well as enhancing them, and (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.
Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.
This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.
Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications.

Take yours

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

Don't hate Wal-Mart

I keep seeing this commercial from the wakeup Wal-mart association. It starts off with this lady who looks very distressed. She stares at the camera and says "do you know how long it would take me to make the same amount of money that a Wal-mart CEO makes in one year? 1000 years! I think I am going to be sick." Well I think I am going to be sick too. This lady most likely cruised through life, skipped school, did drugs, fucked around, and when it came time to throw herself into the job market, the only skill that she was capable of doing was standing at a counter swooping discounted can goods over a scanner. This CEO on the other hand, went to college, probably has a Masters in Business, got hired with a great company and did such a fantastic job that he eventually worked his way up to the head of the company. Now why should he feel bad for making a lot of money? He worked his ass off to be where he is, while this "poor lady" obviously did not put forth 1/1000 of the effort. Let's consider that the average Wal-mart employee makes $10 an hour. At 40 hours a week this is $400. Multiply that by 52 weeks in a year, and she makes $20,800 a year. Multiply this by the 1000 years that it would take her to make the CEOs salary and we can figure that the CEO makes roughly $20,800,000. If these figures are correct then this CEO actually is working for a lot less then the CEOs of most companies, and in my opinion the lazy lady working the registered is slightly overpaid for what she is doing. If she is not happy with the way her life has turned out, then she has other options. Go to school, get educated, get training in a different field, and find a new job. You don't get to go through life being lazy and not trying to better yourself and then bitch about someone who worked hard to make a lot of money. Succeeding in life is not something that is just handed to you. It takes hard work and determination. I want people to stop complaining about where they are in life. If you don't like it, make a change. Do something about it. Stop complaining and start taking action. I hated working in restaurants, so I went to a trade school to learn how to work in I.T. It is that easy. To the CEO of Wal-mart…. I commend you. Good job. To the workers, shut up or make something happen. Life is not something that just washes over you like a wave. Life is something that you have control over, and as a result, you have no one but yourself to blame for your situation!

Shitting like a king

I went out to a company dinner last night. The restaurant was very posh, the wine was expensive, the steaks were perfect and the check was incredibly high. Out of everything, I was most impressed by the bathroom!!! Yes, here was all this atmosphere, a huge fire pit, snotty waiters and all and I went to the bathroom three times just so I could check it out over and over again. This bathroom was amazing. The ceiling, walls and floor were all made up of the most beautiful marble you have ever seen. The sink was marble and had these two really fancy silver faucets. The hand soap was smooth and made your hands feel good and instead of paper towels or an air dryer there were linens made of Egyptian cotton to dry your hands on. The men's stalls had these heavy wooden doors and there were no gaps under the floor. You could shit in complete isolation. The room was sound proof to so you could make all of the noise necessary. There was very high quality toilet paper and several selections of tissue. Everything was spotless. I would have felt comfortable eating my dinner off of this toilet. They must have had someone in there every couple of minutes to clean up, because men's restrooms do not stay in this condition for very long. The urinals even had some sort of padding material to prevent splash back! Overall this was the best bathroom experience that I have ever had. I only hope that one day my lifestyle will warrant the use of bathrooms such as this on a more consistent basis.